Ugh. This is hard to even read. Is it possible to have a discussion about specifics? It probably can't hurt at this point.
Honestly, you are probably right to be gearing up for a fight. I would hope for the best and try to be loving, but be planning in the background. Not letting the kiddies get baptized as minors is key. Making sure you influence them and they understand and know your love in unconditional is important even moreso now.
You certainly are not alone. When it isn't so tense, see if your hubs will talk to you about specifics. Everyone has a brick that falls first. Its just rarely what you think it is or should be.